28608521:Test test 30445187:春節台北行不行 31984137:Beauty is Truth. Truth is Beauty. 33597083:Never Let Me Go  

Oh friend. my greatest dearest friend.

Is it the time matter or simply I am the wrong one in your life?

All your saying doesn’t make any sense at all because if I am truly not the right person, I’d not have been in your life in and out for all these years and you wouldn’t make friend with me in the first place or fell for me or felt hurt or whatnot.

If you’re not the right person for me, I would not fight for this hard to gain your trust and ask you to be my friend ( which I am already your friend, you can’t deny that) again and am simply asking you here: listen to me. listen to my heart saying.

 

People don’t change. People developed.

 

It took me years to realize something that’s been missing in my life, something that is so beautiful, respectable and honorable to pursue. I want to share my thoughts with you and be your life company and it did not happen overnight and it’s not happening everyday and not everyone, out of millions could find the their soul mate or even realize there is such a thing.

 

Before you find one or realize there is such a thing please don’t jump to a conclusion that what I’m saying here is harming your life.

 

Did I ever break your heart or did you just break mine because you were heartbroken and healed.

 

You’re the last person I’d never dare to hurt.

You’re the first person make me believe there is such a thing, called, soul mate.

Yet it took you few hours to shut doors in front of me and break this inner value because you think it’s the wised thing to do otherwise it might jeopardize your life.

 

For your own good.

 

Again, what the hell is this coming from?

 

You’re not quite yourself and I can’t find you even though I’m talking to you on the other side. All of a sudden, I became an alien talking nonsense for you stop talking.

 

Oh boy. It’s definitely not the most wised thing to do if you assume me as your old friend.

 

Yes. I might be a suck ex, but I am confident enough to say I am your great female friend. I never turn my back on you even when I was with someone that is important to me. Never.

You knew it better than I did.

And since when you stop believing me acting like a stranger hurts me to death, cutting me off your life, erasing your past, assuming I’m ruining what you have.

 

Sigh.

 

Since when, exactly what time, which year or what kind of perspectives you hold on me to lead you believe what I’m saying is not true.

 

Since when you’re not allowed me to fix it, to deserve a chance to fight for you back in my life.

 

All I want is a sincerer talk.

Yet your nice wellbeing polite gesture saying, hey, so long. Get out of my life.

 

I’m the only child and all by myself is my life police. I don’t easily give in in life and here I’m holding tears saying, don’t give it up yet.

 

Is it the time matter?

I don’t easily trust people and you’ve been always trusted in my whole life. I throw

my heart out millions times you couldn’t count but would finitely find them on my old grave before my time has come.

 

You have my first vulnerable journal and you know what, I stop writing any sincere words because only you would truly appreciate it and read me.

 

You gave me a ride to the airports. And airports suck. To tell you the truth.

You brought me to the baseball games. And they rocks. If you would like to know.

You taught me to play my very first mahjong.

You laid on my laps for hours talking or sleeping.

You sat with me studying the finals till the dawn that was the night I never forget

You stared at me while I was sleeping but somehow I could feel it.

You patted my head when I was heartbroken and I thank you for doing that because that made me the luckiest person to have you around feeling safe.

You invited me to your friends and I was way drunk and danced like crazy.

You asked me to translate your papers even though it really pained of my ass.

You answered my call any time when I needed you.

Your read my stupid poems.

You enlighten my world and even now I still believe you do.

 

You are the reason I’m here. Oh god, I have a millions of reasons to be here.

 

Give me a shot or shoot me.



2013/5/26 Michelle Chuang<etbleu@gmail.com>
Dearest.
 
I'm giving it a shot onto this email. Destiny or fate, i'll let it decide.
 
At times I feel I have the whole world but you.
Got busy at work, relationships, all these years. I never stop loving you.
 
Yet I let you go, which was the stupidest thing i've ever done in my life. Words won't do the justice. i know. 
 
And yet i have constantly recalled you deep inside since the day we ever met. 
 
The more accurate saying, 
when i'm all alone, you're always back into my mind.
when I'm lost, your spirit is there cheering up for me.
when i was miles away in a foreign country, involving with someone I loved deeply, doubts appeared, i thought of you.
 
Two times. In the Philippines or the US. the tough heartbreakers.
 
i guess i wanted to discuss my love life with you but thought it might be wrong or odd to let you feel used. Oh God, you were too lovable to be used. I didn't want to discuss my love history with you, instead, i missed you that much.
 
All this life it seems i never stop looking. You know me, i'm a great explorer for new things or people. And you're allowed me to be me. And I appreciate it because that makes me the luckiest person in the world. Just to be me when i'm with you. And Why the heck that i let you go? 
 
You deserve the truth.
 
I was bossy and immature. 
I thought it was "funny" to date my best male friend.
I thought dating my best male friend devalued my level. 
oh boy, was I that shallow.
 
 
Oh boy, i'm the heartbreaker or heartbroken, without you, i'm so lost. it stinks when i hurt your feeling. I'm too ashamed to tell you that.
 
But the moment still comes when baseball games playing on TV, when your bday showing on my schedule. Millions of times was i too coward to tell you how much i miss you.
 
your first pickup line.
your first smile.
your white tight baseball jeans.
your ride.
your number.
your "Full Names."
youur first kiss.
your first tear remembering your grad nanny.
your first call.
your everything. 
 
has been running out my mind for years that it still hurts every time when recalling breaking up with you at that spaghetti dinner, or calling you fooling you that i was at your doors.
 
I just miss you so so much.
 
Must you remember
our first conversation.
our first fight.
our first coffee at starbucks.
our first midnight beach
our first movie.
our first date.
our first lovemaking.
 
Am i too late to realize that you're the one i'm so sure of?
I'm weeping now when i'm typing this.
 
Inside i know you loved me, you still do. just that am I still your one and only? 
 
Time passes, time heals. People come and go. people move on for sure. 
 
But something brought me back to you today. Something that is very instinctive. A great impulse. 
 
If I won't let you know. I probably would bare all these to my grave.
 
I will not let this happen. I'm fighting for my soulmate.
And I know you're the one, and i know you're mine because i'm alway yours.
 
Go see the " Crazy Stupid Love" and you'd know exactly what i'm trying to say in this big night. 
 
 


Michelle Chuang<etbleu@gmail.com> 於 2008年2月6日上午3:22 寫道:



好吧
我的感性那一面你從來沒有領教過...
(雖然這樣的開頭也沒有感性到哪裏去)





我們認識好久好久了也
我終於一股作氣跨越我們之間的線
我坦白地跟你說了這幾天, 這些年我對你的感覺

一直以來都是好的


hey, i'm happy to see you.

 

 good to see you.

 

hey, i want to fall in love with you.

 

2008 [m]




原來一回頭 才顯出你溫柔
你說是否荒謬
原來距離太近 你的存在也不那麼重要了
在我心裏 不管過多久
我都不用去擔心你會消失
      不用去擔心你有了更愛的人
      不用去擔心你看到自己的脆弱
      不用去擔心你我那種稀鬆平常的對白
      不用去擔心你會不接我電話
     
     一直都不用去擔心的....
     才有勇氣一再跟你說再見...


但今天此刻,我開始擔心了...
i don't know why.........


我想起了我們第一次見面的澄清湖
我想起了我們第一次的海邊 
我想起了我們第一次一起整夜K書的咖啡店
我想起了我們的電影院裏 你被i'm sam 感動到不行 那時我可能還笑你吧 雖然後每次我看到這部電影 也被感動的痛哭流涕
我想起了我們永無止盡的白爛對話
我想起了我們無數次的火車客運站
我想起了我們一起去唱歌的ktv裏 也記起高大的阿媽及你老師 哦 那晚我好像醉了
我想起了我們最後一次見面的餐廳外 我轉身自故瀟灑離開在你的視線中 因為你不喜歡他
我想起了我的心好痛 丟給你我和他的回憶
我想起了我生平第一次的麻將
我想起了我躺在你身邊 你緩慢地說出對奶奶的思念
我想起了那個清晨你來接我的模樣
我想起了那個夜晚你離開前吻我臉頰說再見
我想起了你眼神中的沉默
我想起了你陪我去面試打工的台中補習班
我想起了在台北的日子 
我想起了我目不暇給盯著電腦螢幕 你突然湊過頭來吻我一下
我想起了你親吻我的時候
我想起了你眼中的溫柔


我想起了你躺在我腿上 卻忘了我們當時到底在想什麼

    
     是否有這些回憶就足夠........




我要用力抱著你
能做的還是珍惜
能做的還是珍惜
能做的還是珍惜
能做的還是珍惜
能做的還是珍惜
能做的還是珍惜














-- 
*m, your heart is my piñata


 
-- 
Cheers,


 
-- 
Cheers,
 

 

 
創作者介紹

一本尚未完結的書

etbleu 發表在 痞客邦 PIXNET 留言(0) 人氣()